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Son troppo onesta, troppo schietta, troppo rispettosa dell'altrui lettura per non sapere che a livello superficiale siamo tutti in grado di spiegare un'esperienza.
Ma questo è qualunquismo, è un'abusare di doti, non si può scrivere di qualsiasi argomento che passa per la cronaca, i pezzi più veri sono quelli scritti dall'anima ed io perciò mi astengo e non me ne vogliate, pensieri ne passano ottomila per la mente all'ora, ma non vi reputo così poveramente da farvi custodi di ogni mia pippa mentale, così mi riservo le migliori, quelle dove c'è da discutere. Silvia è morta il 22 ottobre, una strage del sabato sera, aveva quattordici anni, di che dogmi avrebbe dovuto essere al corrente, a quindici anni non si può morire, allora davvero ti accorgi che la vita è un soffio, ci sei, non ci sei, la differenza è il tuo cadavere putrefatto e a nessuno, più di tanto, può venire in mente cosa voglia dire, il tuo corpo, i vermi, terra alla terra, ma rimane che stai marcendo lì, chi ha dato ha dato, Silvia, della tua vita rimangono le risate che ti sei fatta, con le amiche o con Mattia, le tenerezze che hai scambiato, con Mattia o con altri, gli affettuosi sguardi che hai lasciato in cucina per tuo padre, che è lì che si danna, e altro gli rimane se non il ricordo di te, sorridente a due anni, senza denti e sorridente a sette, triste e malinconica a quattordici, come se il destino si riflettesse negli occhi.
E allora non rompiamoci i coglioni con le filosofie, lasciamoci vivere, che è un attimo, oggi si e domani no, e di questo attimo io potrei scrivere parecchio, come parecchia è la mia vita, tanta, tanta, che a volte son sicura che morire adesso non sarebbe un gran dispiacere, ho vissuto tanto, ma tanto, ma tanto davvero e a a volte questo TANTO uccide, che sai come va tutto, e tutti come vanno, ma non mi arrendo, quel tanto potrà sempre stupirmi, e comunque a me attira il poco che fa vivere molti. Fra un uomo comune e uno studioso, preferisco l'uomo comune, coi suoi problemi quotidiani, che, ad indagare, la vita è così complicata che ti ci perdi se ci stai a pensare. No No No preferisco questa semplicità dell'essere, non scrivo granchè, tanto è pieno di scrittori in erba, dell'erba preferisco le foglie da fumare, altra visione, sempre vita che entra in un'ottica diversa.... non so non so, mi si chiede di scrivere articoli.... ne scriverò quando il fatto mi interesserà emotivamente... allora si che mi rifarò viva. per ora volevo solo salutare e spiegare la differenza tra uno scrittore professionista e una povera scribacchina come me che ha avuto la fortuna di pubblicare un libro. Non faccio testo, lasciatemi perdere, ma non sopporto gli scrittori che si credono best sellers. MA CHI SE NE SBATTE!!!! la vita è un'altra, è mia figlia che si taglia un piede all'Elba, è un amore che sto conoscendo ora e mi prende l'anima e allora scusate io lo vivo, prima ancora di scriverne io lo vivo, e qui sta la mia onestà, non vi vendo emozioni superficiali, le abbiamo tutti quelle, aspetto.
VI VOGLIO BENE, NON VI VENDO FISCHI PER FIASCHI. Verrà il tempo. Ora vivo, come dovrebbe fare ogni scrittore prima di scrivere. Digerire l'esperienza per offrire agli altri il vomito intellettuale ricco di enzimi che servità a fertilizzare terreni più veraci, che l'esperienza di uno serva a far capire che il mondo è meno complicato di quello che crediamo, scrivere vuol dire aver osservato, aver capito, aver fatto proprio il meccanismo che ci rende uguali ad ogni latitudine. Laciatemi il tempo, capirò cosa sta succedendo. A culo gli scrittori in gamba che si muove una foglia e già scrivono racconti. IO NO. IO NO. La foglia si muove e si posa e ben venga lo spettacolo. Ma l'anima umana è diversa, occorre più cura. Domani, domani. Domani scriverò, ne ho bisogno, qualcosa devo incidere che rimanga fisso anche per me, nel tempo, nel tempo, in questa tanta vita, tanta, tanta, tanta.

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